


Andy gets Shot

by Midnight On Saturn (Austyn_Layne)



Category: The Andy Griffith Show
Genre: 1950s, Alternate Universe, Drunkenness, Gen, Nihilism, Nonsense, Small Towns, Stupidity, Violence, absurdity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 07:19:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18773908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Austyn_Layne/pseuds/Midnight%20On%20Saturn
Summary: What happens when Otis the town drunk, gets in a tussle with Barney?





	Andy gets Shot

The family and friends of sheriff Andy Taylor stood at the foot of his deathbed inside the Mayberry general hospital. It seems the other day an altercation happened between the _town drunk_ Otis and deputy Barney Fife. The family and friends couldn't understand how such a thing could happen.

"Oh Barney, could you please tell me what happened? Opie would really like to know." Aunt B said as she wiped a tear from her swollen eyes.

"Yeah Barn, what happened to my Pa?" Opie cried out pounding his fist into Barney's chest, still stained with the _cast of_ f from the gunshot.

Barney's eyes started to tear up, he just couldn't explain to the boy what happened to his last remaining parent.

"Well ya see ope, it was like this."

Barney went back in his memory and it seemed as if reality started to wave, as Barney wiped the nervous sweat mixed with blood and cerebral fluid from his brow.

"Yes Barney, please do tell us. Oh Lord this is just so tragic." Aunt B said.

"Well B it happened all so fast...so fast." Barney said as B's voice started to echo in his ears.

XXXXXX

Barney entered the courthouse chipper as usual. He took a look over at Otis waking up after spending his usual night in the 'drunk tank'.

"Hey Andy, everything is taken care of at Floyd's. It was just a disagreement over a game of checkers involving a couple of the ' _old timers_ ' you now how they get sometimes? Always having to fuss and feud over something." Barney said while puffing up his chest.

"Well Barney, looks like Mayberry is once again in good hands with you on the watch." Andy chuckled as he looked over the dispatches from Mt. Pilot.

Just then Barney walked over to Otis' cell and scolded him once again on his many displays of public drunkenness.

"Now Otis! You have to nip this the bud! We can't have you goin' about town staggering and making a scene of yourself in front of the church ladies. Otis, a lot folks are saying you're making us law enforcement officers look bad."

"Oh pish posh Barney, just let me out. I won't be back again...I swear." Otis slurred, while holding his hand up to 'God'.

Barney didn't believe this for one second. Barney knew, later that night, Otis would come stumbling into his cell as usual, and leaving the key at arms length on the hook.

"Alright Otis, we trust ya. Now go home and don't be givin' that wife of yours are hard time. That woman right there is the salt of the earth. Now I'll hold you to your word. I do not want to come in, in the morning and find you sleepin' off another bender." Andy said as he stood by Barney looking at Otis with judgmental eyes while cleaning his revolver. 

"You have my - my word Andy. No bend -benders." Otis said between hiccups.

Barney opens the cell, with his revolver still in his hand.

"Now Otis! I now release you into the population, your time has been served as of this moment. If you re-offend you may serve a stiffer next time. Do I make myself clear Mr. Campbell?" Barney asked in an authoritative manner as he sat his revolver on the tiny table in the jail cell.

"Alright Deputy! You're giving me a headache. Can go sheriff? I have places to go and people to see. Oh..."

Just then, Otis stumbled and fell on the table, knocking over the revolver.

[Bang!]

"Why Andy! Otis! Look what you've done!" Barney shouted as he rushed over cradling Andy in his arms. Andy's brain matter spilling onto the floor and his uniform.

"Wha - what happened Barney?" Otis said with another hiccup.

"You shot Andy!" Barney shouted as he raised a bloody hand to his forehead.

"Did not! Anyways Barn - Barney you never leave your gun loaded anyways. Don't blame - blame me for this. Can I go home now?" Otis slurred as he tried to fix his hat.

"DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID OTIS? YOU JUST SHOT ANDY! HELP ME GET HIM IN THE PATROL CAR SO WE CAN GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!" Barney shouted, as he lifted the mortally wounded Andy off the floor.

"No way Barney! I - I...can't stand the sight of bl - blood." Otis slurred between hiccups.

"Oh Otis you're useless."

Just then, Gomer Pyle barged through the doors.

"What's all the commotion Barney, Floyd said he just heard a shot so I thought I'd pay y'all a little visit to see if I could help. Hey Barney, what's going on with sheriff Taylor? It looks like he's bleedin' from a nasty fall or something." Gomer rambled.

"Gomer! Would you help me get Andy into the car so I can get him to the hospital?" 

"Sure thing Barney! Anything you want." Gomer said with a goofy smile not seeming to sense the gravity of the situation.

The two men put Andy in the back of the patrol car. Then Barney orders Gomer to watch Otis in his cell, till he gets back.

"Yes sir Barney! Always glad to help. You know you should really get Andy's head looked at, it looks like he got a pretty nasty bump on the noggin.

"That's what I'm trying to do. Now go in there and keep an eye on Otis, he's goin' to be lookin' at some pretty serious charges when I get back."

Barney rushes off in the car while Gomer is waving his hand like an idiot saying 'bye Barney bye Andy hope to see ya back soon. Don't you worry Barney I'll keep an eye on Otis he ain't goin' nowhere till y'all get back. You have my word.'

XXXXXX

Barney finally surfaced back to reality in waves while staring into the tear-filled eyes of Opie and Aunt B.

"So that's how it all happened Barney, well I'll be." Aunt B said while shaking her head.

Just then, the doctor walked in giving the group the bad news. It appeared to him that Andy wasn't going to be back on the job soon if ever.

"So Barney, it looks like you're going to be the new sheriff." Floyd said.

"It appears that way Floyd, it appears that way." Barney said while straightening his belt.

"Well in that case, it looks like you're going to need a haircut. Free of charge of course." Floyd said, while fixing Barney's collar.

"One thing Floyd - make sure you even out my sideburns this time. You never seem to get them quite right."

"Anything you say...sheriff."

The whole group gathered around Sheriff Barney then congratulated him on his promotion. Making Aunt B realize she had a whole basket of her prize winning pickles.

"Come on everybody, let's all have one there's enough for everyone." B said with a big smile on her face.

"These are good Aunt B, what do you put in em?" Opie said after taking a big bite.

"It's a secret Opie, but I will tell you this. Clara doesn't have a chance at this month's County fair." 

"Oh Aunt B, you're a sure bet." Barnet said already downing his second pickle.

"The secret's in the spices. It's a time tested family recipe." B said with a look of pride on her face.

"Aunt B, do you mind if I have three pickles? I sure am hungry." Opie grinned as he stuck his fingers in the jar already swiping another one.

"Alright dear, but remember, save some for Gomer. Oh Barney, that reminds me, we should check up on Gomer and Otis. I know they're probably famished."

The group walk out of the hospital room leaving Andy alone on his ventilator, as theyhead off to the courthouse with the new sheriff of Mayberry. Sheriff Barney Fife.

THE END


End file.
